ABCD

Our company can be your one-stop shop for decentralization.

Evidence suggests the 1899 transactions occurred as part of a global event centered around a deity associated with the lotus flower.

CELEBRATE: Serve passengers tiered cakes shaped like the airspace class diagram

Someday I just know I'm going to encounter a problem that requires 500 flashlights and 700 knives with weird holes in them, and on that day I won't be caught unprepared.

Serve one each to guests whose last cursed cocktail was more than 2 months ago.

Don't worry, the dogs are all fine. That's actually kind of the problem.

It's okay, we can just feed the one-pixel image into an AI upscaler and recover the original image, or at least one that's just as cool.

It's been extra bad ever since my GPS got stuck on Phoebe Judge mode.

Now I'm tempted to start telling people that I secretly don't actually know how to do any physics calculations, and so all the answers in What If are based on me actually trying to do the thing and then reporting what happened, but phrased as if it's hypothetical.

Another option: "It is an honor to be the first human to set foot on the moon."

To that stranger on the KOOL Tree House chat room, I gotta hand it to you: You were, ultimately, not wrong.

In Universe Pro®™ the laws of physics remain unchanged under time reversal, to maintain backward compatibility.

Juraaaassic Park, Juraaaassic Park, God shed his grace on theeeee

'Why did you get into fluid dynamics?' 'Well, SOME planet has to have the coolest clouds, odds are it's not ours, and rockets are slow.'

Ground-pole-ball-pole can be fun if you shake the first pole to get the second one whipping around dangerously, but the ball at the joint gets torn apart pretty fast.

In general, avoid exposure to any temperatures, pressures, particle energies, or states of matter that physicists think are neat.

If you reach 122, you get complete unrevertible editorial control over Jeanne Calment's Wikipedia article.

Curdled milk, of a peculiar kind, made after a Bulgarian recipe and called "yaghurt," is now a Parisian fad and is believed to be a remedy against growing old. A correspondent who has tried it, says he would prefer to die young. (1905, The Elk Falls Journal)

NEGATIVE REVIEWS MENTION: Unreliable internet. POSITIVE REVIEWS MENTION: Unreliable internet.

Theoretical physicist: At the Planck length, uncountably many.

Pronouncing [ṡṡċċḣḣẇẇȧȧ] is easy; you just say it like the 'x' in 'fire'.

Massage: Theoretical (10), Quantum (6), High-energy (2), Computational (1), Marine (1), Astro- (None)

'Does the substance feel weird to the touch?' is equally likely to get the answers 'Don't be ridiculous, you would never put your hand near a sample. We have safety protocols.' and 'Yeah, and it tastes AWFUL.'

Ants have reverse chemtrails--regular citizens spraying chemicals everywhere they go to control the government.

"My parents were both omnitaurs, which is how I got interested in recombination," said the normal human.

Our work has produced great answers. Now someone just needs to figure out which questions they go with.

You can still do powerline networking, but the bitrate does drop a little depending on the lightbulb warmup and cooldown delay.

If so great a deductive mind as Arthur Conan Doyle can be fooled by the Cottingley Deepfakes, what chance do we mortals have? Soon our very reality will be dictated by the whims of Frances (9) and Elsie (16).

I got banned from the county fair for handing out Helium-2 balloons. Apparently the instant massive plasma explosions violated some local ordinance or something.

It's hard to believe, but lots of kids these days ONLY know how to buy prepackaged molecules.

[As security is dragging me away] "Come on, at least I didn't make the mistake in the other direction!"

My liege, we were able to follow the ship into Minkowski space, but now they've jumped to Hilbert space and they could honestly be anywhere.

The best camera is the one at L2.

[other side] If the first word of an instruction you're given starts with the same letter as your crush's name, for that step imagine the experimenter is your crush.

These neutrinos were freshly produced by a local source just 8 minutes ago

It's always bothered me that you can't cancel out an inverter by putting a second inverter after it.

It's sad seeing those videos of turbine blade being torn apart in high winds, but it's the only way they can disperse their seeds.

The math and philosophy people also claim everything, but the astronomers argue that the stuff they study really only comprises a small number of paper surfaces.

It's nice how the end of the periodic table is flush with the edge these days, so I think we should agree no one should find any new elements after #118 unless they discover a whole row at once.

With most labs, the hushed horror stories are about something like dimethylmercury or prions, but occasionally you'll get a weird lab where it's about the soda machine or the drop ceiling.

100he100k out th1s 1nno5at4e str1ng en100o501ng 15e been 500e5e50op1ng! 1t's 6rtua100y perfe100t! ...hang on, what's a "virtuacy"?

If you don't end the 99 Bottles of Beer recursion at N=0 it just becomes The Other Song That Never Ends.

Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they should, they didn't stop to think if they could.

Some organization has been paying to keep this up and it hasn't been removed from search results. Seems like two votes of confidence to me.

Employment statistics have to correct for the fact that the Weird Bug Hotline hires on a bunch of extra temporary staff every 17 years.

"Ow! One of the petri dishes I left on the tower railing fell and hit me on the head! Hey, that gives me an idea..."

They said after I got into a routine, I'd enjoy getting progressively stronger and stop whining so much about how hard exercise was. Well, they were half right!

It's believed to be related to the Stellar Sea Cow.

Oh yeah, I didn't even know they renamed it the Willis Tower in 2009, because I know a normal amount about skyscrapers.

I can't speak for your other subjects, but MY motion was as smooth and natural as the framerate allowed.

An x-ray gyroscope is used to determine exactly which toppings they included in the pita.

They're robust against quantum attacks because it's hard to make a quantum system that large.

The combination croquet set/10-lane pool can also be used for some varieties of foosball and Skee-Ball.

Also, they're getting increasingly worried that someone will accidentally hit the 'retract' button, and that the end of the cable thrashing around as it winds up could devastate the Earth's surface.

The film is set in 2018, but when Commander Bremberly chases the hologram through Times Square, there's a billboard for Avengers: Age of Ultron. Depending on the date, that billboard would have been advertising either Infinity War or this movie.

Thank you to Katie Mack for teaching me about this effect, and to Janelle Shane for describing redshifts as 'like galaxies sinking into a pool of dilute blood,' which is how I'll see them from now on.

Oh sure, I know Keira Knightly, from the first movie in that series by The Land Before Time producer. You know, the franchise with the guy from Jurassic Park and Ghostwriter, and script work by Billie Lourd's mom?

Donate now to help us find a cure for causality. No one should have to suffer through events because of other events.

A medicine that makes you put two dots over your letters more often is a diäretic.

We carefully sampled the general population and found that most people are familiar with acquiescence bias.

OpenStreetMap was always pretty good but is also now *really* good? And Apple Maps's new zoomed-in design in certain cities like NYC and London is just gorgeous. It's cool how there are all these good maps now!

Hey! No running in the back-arc basin!

'We're shocked by the Notre Dame fire. Click for our tribute to--' [okay] 'Now that we're all staying at home these past few weeks thanks to this new coronavirus, we--' [okay]

It's like sigma summation notation, except instead of summing the argument over all values of i, you 2 the argument over all values of 2.

The projection's north pole is in a small lake on the island of Mahé in the Seychelles, which is off the top of the map and larger than the rest of the Earth's land area combined.

A lot of Jedi romances start with this turning into a Lady and the Tramp spaghetti situation.

The Stroop-YORP number of a scientific paper is how many of the 16 finalist names (sans 'effect') it manages to casually sneak into the text.

Gödel should do an article on which branches of math have the lowest average theorem number.

No, we actually do have a woman who's basically part of our fellowship. She lives in Rivendell, you wouldn't know her.

Grandma says that because of differences in primate and feline lifespans, the cat is actually my 17,000,000th cousin 14,000,000 times removed.

At first I didn't get why they were warning me about all those birds sitting on the wire, but then I understood.

U+2A0B ⨋ Mathematicians need to calm down

The Taylor series should have been canceled after the first term.

The distinction between a ship and a boat is a line drawn in water.

The rope keeps breaking, I'm covered in bruises and scrapes, and I've barely reached the end of my driveway, but I don't care--I'm determined to become the first person to commute to work by tetherball.

You'd think 'linguistics' would go to someone important in the field, but it's actually assigned to a random student in Ohio who barely graduated and then went into automotive marketing.

Happy little turtles

You can click to preorder to get a copy of What If? 2 when it comes out 9/13, assuming we all make it past the spider situation(?) on Tuesday(?).

You say this daily walk will reduce my risk of death from cardiovascular disease by 30%, but also increase my risk of death by bear attack by 300%? That's a 280% increased! I'm not a sucker; I'm staying inside.

They might make it past that first line of defense. For the second, you'll need some picture frames, a level, and a protractor that can do increments of less than a degree.

"We can do 0.33 or 0.34, but our payroll software doesn't allow us to--" "NO DEAL."

I know it seems overwhelming, but don't worry; I'm sure most of them have only a few stars, and probably no planets.

A blow from Emmy's Cutlass of Variations will transport the dragon to a corresponding symmetric position in the Noetherworld.

Now, you may argue that the varying hour lengths and feedback effects would cause chaos. To which I say, yeah, and I'm also curious to see how the weekday cycle interacts with it! So, you in?

The foil on the toothpick represents the blue flash.

There are two types of dichotomy: False dichotomies, true dichotomies, and surprise trichotomies.

Qua qua qua is the sine qua non of sine qua non qua sine qua non.

Bald-faced hornets are only a 2 on the Schmidt pain index, so I shouldn't complain. The tennis ball ejected from the dryer exhaust vent could have ricocheted off the nest of a much higher-scoring insect before knocking me off the ladder. Really, I'm lucky.

There are regularly placed bumps on the underside just the right size to press the rocker switch on the power strip.

Single-elimination might provide more drama, but I think we can all agree that a comprehensive numerical scoring system will let us better judge the party's winner.

For the sake of simplicity, gardeners are assumed to move through Euclidean space--neglecting the distortion from general relativity--unless they are in the vicinity of a Schwarzschild Orchid.

If you ever see someone using a capital xi in an equation, just observe them quietly to learn as much as you can before they return to their home planet.

I've developed a novel propulsion system powered by loss of precision in unit conversion.

Roundly-condemned headlinese initiative shuttered indefinitely.

And even though it all went wrong / I'll stand before the lord of song / with nothing on my tongue but 'I don't understand, I swear I backed up my keyboard config before messing with it'

It's important to make sure your analysis destroys as much information as it produces.

You will live on forever in our hearts, pushing a little extra blood toward our left hands now and then to give them a squeeze.

Remember not to take it easy. Put a hot washcloth on your forehead, remain standing, and breathe dry air while taking lots of histamines. You need to give your body a chance to get sick again.

Did you base the saucer shape on pop culture depictions of aliens, or was that stuff based on your ships? Does the rotational symmetry help with ... hey, where are you going?

Merlin really shouldn't leave his dirt bike lying around.