ABCD

Brassica

Sequoia Brussels sprouts are delicious but it's pretty hard to finish one.
Sequoia Brussels sprouts are delicious but it's pretty hard to finish one.

Gold

It can be expensive to hire a professional spectroscopist for your wedding, but the quality of the spectra you get is worth it.
It can be expensive to hire a professional spectroscopist for your wedding, but the quality of the spectra you get is worth it.

Autumn and Fall

Of course in reality this is just a US/UK thing; in British English, 'fall' is the brief period in between and 'autumn' is the main season.
Of course in reality this is just a US/UK thing; in British English, 'fall' is the brief period in between and 'autumn' is the main season.

Abstract Pickup

Escape Artist Frees Self From Conversation With Pickup Artist
Escape Artist Frees Self From Conversation With Pickup Artist

Fossil

The two best reasons to get into fossils are booping trilobites and getting to say the word "fossiliferous" a lot.
The two best reasons to get into fossils are booping trilobites and getting to say the word "fossiliferous" a lot.

*@gmail.com

Hi all, just replying to loop in *@outlook.com and *@yahoo.com.
Hi all, just replying to loop in *@outlook.com and *@yahoo.com.

Path Minimization

Of course you get an ice cream cone for the swimmer too! You're not a monster.
Of course you get an ice cream cone for the swimmer too! You're not a monster.

Inspiration

An apple fell on Isaac Newton's head and gave him the idea that the moon might be a tasty apple, though this turned out not to be true--the Apollo program eventually determined that it was just a desolate and bland Red Delicious.
An apple fell on Isaac Newton's head and gave him the idea that the moon might be a tasty apple, though this turned out not to be true--the Apollo program eventually determined that it was just a desolate and bland Red Delicious.

Pronunciation

I pronounce the 'u' in 'pronunciation' like in 'putting' but the 'ou' in 'pronounce' like in 'wound'.
I pronounce the 'u' in 'pronunciation' like in 'putting' but the 'ou' in 'pronounce' like in 'wound'.

Circuit Symbols

A circle with an A in it means that the circuit has committed a sin and has been marked as punishment.
A circle with an A in it means that the circuit has committed a sin and has been marked as punishment.

Electron Holes

They tried to report me to the authorities, but because I had the device they couldn't charge me.
They tried to report me to the authorities, but because I had the device they couldn't charge me.

Types of Solar Eclipse

The best place to be for a hug eclipse is a scenic natural area with good views and few clouds. The worst place to be is the lunar surface.
The best place to be for a hug eclipse is a scenic natural area with good views and few clouds. The worst place to be is the lunar surface.

Car Wash

I'm glad modern car washes use synthetic baleen, instead of harvesting it from whales like 1800s car washes did.
I'm glad modern car washes use synthetic baleen, instead of harvesting it from whales like 1800s car washes did.

Perseids Pronunciation

When speaking out loud, you can can call it the 'Perseids meatier shower' and no one will ever know. (If you do get caught somehow, just tell them to Google the 'Kentucky meat shower' and that will distract them while you escape.)
When speaking out loud, you can can call it the 'Perseids meatier shower' and no one will ever know. (If you do get caught somehow, just tell them to Google the 'Kentucky meat shower' and that will distract them while you escape.)

What to Do

FYI: The 'drop, cover, and hold on' advice only applies to earthquakes. If you encounter a mountain lion, you should absolutely not drop to the ground, crawl under it, and hold on to one of its legs.
FYI: The 'drop, cover, and hold on' advice only applies to earthquakes. If you encounter a mountain lion, you should absolutely not drop to the ground, crawl under it, and hold on to one of its legs.

Solar Panel Placement

Getting the utility people to run transmission lines to Earth is expensive, but it will pay for itself in no time.
Getting the utility people to run transmission lines to Earth is expensive, but it will pay for itself in no time.

Free Fallin'

Their crash investigation team had some particularly harsh words for Dave Matthews.
Their crash investigation team had some particularly harsh words for Dave Matthews.

How to Coil a Cable

The ideal mix for maximum competitive cable-coiling energy is one A/V tech, one rock climber, one sailor, and one topologist.
The ideal mix for maximum competitive cable-coiling energy is one A/V tech, one rock climber, one sailor, and one topologist.

Moon

I mean, it's pretty, but it doesn't really affect us beyond that. Except that half the nights aren't really dark, and once or twice a day it makes the oceans flood the coasts.
I mean, it's pretty, but it doesn't really affect us beyond that. Except that half the nights aren't really dark, and once or twice a day it makes the oceans flood the coasts.

Daytime Firefly

Mr. Jones, watch out for Ms. Lenhart! She's from genus Photuris!
Mr. Jones, watch out for Ms. Lenhart! She's from genus Photuris!

Bad Map Projection: ABS(Longitude)

Positive vibes/longitudes only
Positive vibes/longitudes only

Anti-Vaxxers

The vaccine stuff seems pretty simple. But if you take a closer look at the data, it's still simple, but bigger. And slightly blurry. Might need reading glasses.
The vaccine stuff seems pretty simple. But if you take a closer look at the data, it's still simple, but bigger. And slightly blurry. Might need reading glasses.

Global Atmospheric Circulation

Refs generally say that you can exercise enough altitude control to avoid the ground, but if you start strategically choosing air layers to steer yourself, that's traveling.
Refs generally say that you can exercise enough altitude control to avoid the ground, but if you start strategically choosing air layers to steer yourself, that's traveling.

Marshmallow

The increasing number of graham crackers and chocolate bars in orbit has created a growing risk of Kessler s'mores.
The increasing number of graham crackers and chocolate bars in orbit has created a growing risk of Kessler s'mores.

Geohydrotypography

The Atlantic is expanding at about 10 ppm (points per month).
The Atlantic is expanding at about 10 ppm (points per month).

Fireflies

I feel bad for Earth 2 and their shadowflies.
I feel bad for Earth 2 and their shadowflies.

Contact Merge

I actually kind of feel like John and Surf King wouldn't like each other, which is a lot to unpack.
I actually kind of feel like John and Surf King wouldn't like each other, which is a lot to unpack.

Down

It's just that I get nervous about heights.
It's just that I get nervous about heights.

Frankenstein Claim Permutations

When I began trying to form a new claim by stitching together these parts in such an unnatural way, some called me mad.
When I began trying to form a new claim by stitching together these parts in such an unnatural way, some called me mad.

Room Temperature

They're also refusing to fund my device that demonstrates uncontrolled hot fusion.
They're also refusing to fund my device that demonstrates uncontrolled hot fusion.

Actual Progress

Slowly progressing from 'how do protons behave in relativistic collisions?' to 'what the heck are protons even doing when they're just sitting there?'
Slowly progressing from 'how do protons behave in relativistic collisions?' to 'what the heck are protons even doing when they're just sitting there?'

Real Estate Analysis

Mars does get a good score on 'noise levels' and 'scenic views,' but the school district ranking isn't great; the only teacher--the Perseverance rover--is too busy with rock samples to teach more than the occasional weekend class.
Mars does get a good score on 'noise levels' and 'scenic views,' but the school district ranking isn't great; the only teacher--the Perseverance rover--is too busy with rock samples to teach more than the occasional weekend class.

Glass-Topped Table

You can pour a drink into it while hosting a party, although it's a real pain to fit in the dishwasher afterward.
You can pour a drink into it while hosting a party, although it's a real pain to fit in the dishwasher afterward.

Alphabet Notes

Listen, you're very cute, but if you rearrange the alphabet to put U and I together it will RUIN the spacing!
Listen, you're very cute, but if you rearrange the alphabet to put U and I together it will RUIN the spacing!

Garden Path Sentence

Arboretum Owner Denied Standing in Garden Path Suit on Grounds Grounds Appealing Appealing
Arboretum Owner Denied Standing in Garden Path Suit on Grounds Grounds Appealing Appealing

Summer Solstice

Then I'll start work on my lunar engines to line the Moon up with the ecliptic so we can have a solar eclipse every month (with a little wobble so they're not always on the equator.)
Then I'll start work on my lunar engines to line the Moon up with the ecliptic so we can have a solar eclipse every month (with a little wobble so they're not always on the equator.)

Bookshelf Sorting

Of course, I sort all my bookshelves the normal way, alphabetically (by first sentence).
Of course, I sort all my bookshelves the normal way, alphabetically (by first sentence).

Heat Pump

If I'm not going to upgrade to a powered one, I should at LEAST stop leaving the door open so often.
If I'm not going to upgrade to a powered one, I should at LEAST stop leaving the door open so often.

Making Plans

Oh no, I haven't checked in with Yvonne in YEARS.
Oh no, I haven't checked in with Yvonne in YEARS.

Musical Scales

In the Hall of the Mountain King was accidentally composed on log/log paper.
In the Hall of the Mountain King was accidentally composed on log/log paper.

Iceberg

90% of the iceberg is hidden beneath the water, but that 90% only uses 10% of its brain, so it's really only 9%.
90% of the iceberg is hidden beneath the water, but that 90% only uses 10% of its brain, so it's really only 9%.

UFO Evidence

[Decades in the future] "Well, the good news is that we've received definitive communication from aliens. The bad news is that they're asking about Cats (2019)."
[Decades in the future] "Well, the good news is that we've received definitive communication from aliens. The bad news is that they're asking about Cats (2019)."

Marble Run

I have so many plans. It would incorporate a Galton board, a Ranque-Hilsch marble vortex tube, and a compartment lined with pinball bouncers with a camera-and-servo Maxwell's Demon that separated the balls into fast and slow sides.
I have so many plans. It would incorporate a Galton board, a Ranque-Hilsch marble vortex tube, and a compartment lined with pinball bouncers with a camera-and-servo Maxwell's Demon that separated the balls into fast and slow sides.

Drainage Basins

After a pail of water was thrown on the Wicked Witch of the West outside Salt Lake City, Utah's Great Salt Lake was measured to be 7 parts per trillion witch by volume.
After a pail of water was thrown on the Wicked Witch of the West outside Salt Lake City, Utah's Great Salt Lake was measured to be 7 parts per trillion witch by volume.

Ruling Out

We were able to replicate and confirm prior authors' detection of a moon orbiting the Earth with high confidence.
We were able to replicate and confirm prior authors' detection of a moon orbiting the Earth with high confidence.

Wikipedia Article Titles

I would never stoop to vandalism, but I'm not above discreetly deleting the occasional 'this article contains excessive amounts of detail' tag.
I would never stoop to vandalism, but I'm not above discreetly deleting the occasional 'this article contains excessive amounts of detail' tag.

The Six Platonic Solids

Plato made the solids, and five were gifted to the mathematicians. But in secret Plato forged a sixth solid to rule over all the others.
Plato made the solids, and five were gifted to the mathematicians. But in secret Plato forged a sixth solid to rule over all the others.

Physical Quantities

The Hubble length is about 1.9 meters lying down; Edwin Hubble was a tall guy.
The Hubble length is about 1.9 meters lying down; Edwin Hubble was a tall guy.

Exoplanet High-5

Tau Ceti is farther away, so it took me 36 years to start the war over updog.
Tau Ceti is farther away, so it took me 36 years to start the war over updog.

Cuisine

My connection to it goes way back, to my early days, when I was just a cloud of primordial hydrogen collapsing in the darkness of space.
My connection to it goes way back, to my early days, when I was just a cloud of primordial hydrogen collapsing in the darkness of space.

Noise Filter

Party Mode also enables the feature, but reverses the slider.
Party Mode also enables the feature, but reverses the slider.

Crystal Ball

They often use ball lenses to collect light at the ends of optical fibers, so when you look stuff up on the internet you're actually scrying through a crystal ball.
They often use ball lenses to collect light at the ends of optical fibers, so when you look stuff up on the internet you're actually scrying through a crystal ball.

Siphon

ADDITIONAL NOTES: Fixed a bug that caused some rocks to generate virtually infinite heat while just sitting there.
ADDITIONAL NOTES: Fixed a bug that caused some rocks to generate virtually infinite heat while just sitting there.

Taxiing

I don't understand why anyone would pay full price for a flatbed truck rental when you can buy 'DETOUR' signs online for like $10.
I don't understand why anyone would pay full price for a flatbed truck rental when you can buy 'DETOUR' signs online for like $10.

Planetary Scientist

This rumpled fabric at the corner looks like evidence of ongoing tectonic activity.
This rumpled fabric at the corner looks like evidence of ongoing tectonic activity.

Commemorative Plaque

[Below] On this site on May 12th, 2023, I finally learned how to use the masonry bit for my drill.
[Below] On this site on May 12th, 2023, I finally learned how to use the masonry bit for my drill.

College Knowledge

'Your chitin armor is no match for our iron-tipped stingers! Better go hide in your jars!' --common playground taunt
'Your chitin armor is no match for our iron-tipped stingers! Better go hide in your jars!' --common playground taunt

Tapetum Lucidum

Using a reflective wall in a game to give one shot two chances to hit is called a double-tapetum lucidum.
Using a reflective wall in a game to give one shot two chances to hit is called a double-tapetum lucidum.

Overlapping Circles

"The Venn diagram of the sun and the moon is a circle." --someone being snarky at totality
"The Venn diagram of the sun and the moon is a circle." --someone being snarky at totality

Definition of e

Yeah, my math teacher back in high school set up the system to try to teach us something or other, but the 100% rate was unbelievably good, so I engineered a hostile takeover of his bank and now use it to make extra cash on the side.
Yeah, my math teacher back in high school set up the system to try to teach us something or other, but the 100% rate was unbelievably good, so I engineered a hostile takeover of his bank and now use it to make extra cash on the side.

Recipe Relativity

It says to cut the onions into 1/4" slices, but I'd better correct for length contraction.
It says to cut the onions into 1/4" slices, but I'd better correct for length contraction.

Helium Reserve

The government has been trying to sell off the Federal Helium Reserve for a few years now, but the sale has been on hold while they try to figure out how to explain this situation to buyers.
The government has been trying to sell off the Federal Helium Reserve for a few years now, but the sale has been on hold while they try to figure out how to explain this situation to buyers.

Escape Speed

Gotta go fast
Gotta go fast

Cosmological Nostalgia Content

Later renouncing clickbait, Einstein called his inclusion of cosmological content in general relativity the biggest blunder of his career.
Later renouncing clickbait, Einstein called his inclusion of cosmological content in general relativity the biggest blunder of his career.

Linguistics Gossip

The E's wedding invitation definitely used the word LOVE more times than was strictly necessary.
The E's wedding invitation definitely used the word LOVE more times than was strictly necessary.

Diffraction Spikes

Even if a planet is lucky enough to have a stable orbit that weaves between the spikes, the seasons get weird whenever it passes close to them.
Even if a planet is lucky enough to have a stable orbit that weaves between the spikes, the seasons get weird whenever it passes close to them.

1-to-1 Scale

There's a version that shows the planets with no cropping, but it's hard to find a display that supports it.
There's a version that shows the planets with no cropping, but it's hard to find a display that supports it.

Paleontology Museum

Nowadays the only ones left that do anything are turtles.
Nowadays the only ones left that do anything are turtles.

Easily Confused Acronyms

'Lever' was originally an acronym for Load Emplification by the Vimulated Emission of Radiation.
'Lever' was originally an acronym for Load Emplification by the Vimulated Emission of Radiation.

My Favorite Things

When an Ur guy / sells Nanni things / but the copper's bad, / He simply records his complaint for all time / "I got a bad deal / I'm maaaaad"
When an Ur guy / sells Nanni things / but the copper's bad, / He simply records his complaint for all time / "I got a bad deal / I'm maaaaad"

Towed Message

"Hi, what you do is fly over a designated zone and detach the--" "WE'RE SORRY, THE MOBILE CUSTOMER YOU ARE TRYING TO REACH IS OUT OF SERVICE"
"Hi, what you do is fly over a designated zone and detach the--" "WE'RE SORRY, THE MOBILE CUSTOMER YOU ARE TRYING TO REACH IS OUT OF SERVICE"

Qualifications

'So how DID you go from working at the employment records office to becoming president of MIT and CEO of IBM?' 'I guess I just have an eye for opportunities.'
'So how DID you go from working at the employment records office to becoming president of MIT and CEO of IBM?' 'I guess I just have an eye for opportunities.'

Effect Size

Subgroup analysis is ongoing.
Subgroup analysis is ongoing.

Relative Terms

Small sewing machines are sewing machines that are smaller than a sewing machine. A sewing machine is larger than a small sewing machine, but quieter than a loud sewing machine.
Small sewing machines are sewing machines that are smaller than a sewing machine. A sewing machine is larger than a small sewing machine, but quieter than a loud sewing machine.

Air Handler

It maintains odor levels in a normal familiar range, so if you open the windows and the air gets too fresh, it filters it through some dirty laundry samples to compensate.
It maintains odor levels in a normal familiar range, so if you open the windows and the air gets too fresh, it filters it through some dirty laundry samples to compensate.

Salt Dome

The US uses hollowed-out salt domes to store the Strategic Petroleum Reserve, and non-hollowed-out ones to store the Strategic Salt Reserve.
The US uses hollowed-out salt domes to store the Strategic Petroleum Reserve, and non-hollowed-out ones to store the Strategic Salt Reserve.

March Madness

My bracket has 76 trombones led by John Philip Sousa facing off against thousands of emperor penguins led by Morgan Freeman.
My bracket has 76 trombones led by John Philip Sousa facing off against thousands of emperor penguins led by Morgan Freeman.

Flatten the Planets

We'll turn the asteroid belt into ball bearings to go between different rings orbiting at different speeds.
We'll turn the asteroid belt into ball bearings to go between different rings orbiting at different speeds.

Lymphocytes

It's very hard to detect, but recent studies have determined that when plasma B cells are producing antibodies, they go 'pew pew pew'
It's very hard to detect, but recent studies have determined that when plasma B cells are producing antibodies, they go 'pew pew pew'

Radians are Cursed

Phil Plait once pointed out that you can calculate the total angular area of the sky this way. If the sky is a sphere with radius 57.3 degrees, then its area is 4*pi*r^2=41,253 square degrees. This makes dimensional analysts SO mad, but you can't argue with results.
Phil Plait once pointed out that you can calculate the total angular area of the sky this way. If the sky is a sphere with radius 57.3 degrees, then its area is 4*pi*r^2=41,253 square degrees. This makes dimensional analysts SO mad, but you can't argue with results.

Presents for Biologists

A lot of these are actually non-venomous, but I can see which species you mistook them for. If you pause the crane for a sec I can give you some ID pointers for next time!
A lot of these are actually non-venomous, but I can see which species you mistook them for. If you pause the crane for a sec I can give you some ID pointers for next time!

Launch Window

"Confirmed, we have to scrub." "Ugh, okay. I'll get the bucket and sponge."
"Confirmed, we have to scrub." "Ugh, okay. I'll get the bucket and sponge."

Obituary Editor

As the editor has reportedly defeated Death in a series of games of skill, no further obituaries are expected.
As the editor has reportedly defeated Death in a series of games of skill, no further obituaries are expected.

Fanservice

I was eventually kicked out of my architectural engineering program because I wouldn't stop referring to HVAC as "the fandom."
I was eventually kicked out of my architectural engineering program because I wouldn't stop referring to HVAC as "the fandom."

Hand Dryers

I know hand dryers have their problems, but I think for fun we should keep egging Dyson on and see if we can get them to make one where the airflow breaks the speed of sound.
I know hand dryers have their problems, but I think for fun we should keep egging Dyson on and see if we can get them to make one where the airflow breaks the speed of sound.

Island Storage

I always hate dragging around the larger archipelagos, but I appreciate how the Scandinavian peninsula flexes outward to create a snug pocket for Britain and Ireland.
I always hate dragging around the larger archipelagos, but I appreciate how the Scandinavian peninsula flexes outward to create a snug pocket for Britain and Ireland.

Wish Interpretation

"I wish for everything in the world. All the people, money, trees, etc." "Are you SURE you--" "And I want you to put it in my house."
"I wish for everything in the world. All the people, money, trees, etc." "Are you SURE you--" "And I want you to put it in my house."

Square Packing

I also managed to improve the solution for n=1 to s<0.97, and with some upgrades I think I can hit 0.96.
I also managed to improve the solution for n=1 to s<0.97, and with some upgrades I think I can hit 0.96.

Data Quality

[exclamation about how cute your cat is] -> [last 4 digits of your cat's chip ID] -> [your cat's full chip ID] -> [a drawing of your cat] -> [photo of your cat] -> [clone of your cat] -> [your actual cat] -> [my better cat]
[exclamation about how cute your cat is] -> [last 4 digits of your cat's chip ID] -> [your cat's full chip ID] -> [a drawing of your cat] -> [photo of your cat] -> [clone of your cat] -> [your actual cat] -> [my better cat]

Omniknot

The Gordian knot is an omniknot tied using every bend in the Ashley Book of Knots, and then for extra security the upper rope at every crossing is connected to the lower with a randomly-chosen hitch.
The Gordian knot is an omniknot tied using every bend in the Ashley Book of Knots, and then for extra security the upper rope at every crossing is connected to the lower with a randomly-chosen hitch.

Weather Station

'Pour one out for precipitation data integrity,' I say, solemnly upending the glass into the rain gauge.
'Pour one out for precipitation data integrity,' I say, solemnly upending the glass into the rain gauge.

Only Serifs

If you ever want to get beaten up by a bunch of graphic designers, try removing the serifs from Times New Roman and adding them to Comic Sans.
If you ever want to get beaten up by a bunch of graphic designers, try removing the serifs from Times New Roman and adding them to Comic Sans.

Coordinate Plane Closure

3D graphs that don't contact the plane in the closure area may proceed as scheduled, but be alert for possible collisions with 2D graph lines that reach the hole and unexpectedly enter 3D space.
3D graphs that don't contact the plane in the closure area may proceed as scheduled, but be alert for possible collisions with 2D graph lines that reach the hole and unexpectedly enter 3D space.

Electron Color

There's quark color, but that's not really color--it's just an admission by 20th century physicists that numbers are boring.
There's quark color, but that's not really color--it's just an admission by 20th century physicists that numbers are boring.

Size Comparisons

If you shrank the Solar System to the size of Texas, the Houston metro area would be smaller than a grasshopper in Dallas.
If you shrank the Solar System to the size of Texas, the Houston metro area would be smaller than a grasshopper in Dallas.

Bursa of Fabricius

If an anatomical structure is named for a person, it means they were the only person to have it. Pierre Paul Broca had a special area of his brain that created powerful magnetic fields, enabling him to do 19th century fMRI research.
If an anatomical structure is named for a person, it means they were the only person to have it. Pierre Paul Broca had a special area of his brain that created powerful magnetic fields, enabling him to do 19th century fMRI research.

K-Means Clustering

According to my especially unsupervised K-means clustering algorithm, there are currently about 8 billion types of people in the world.
According to my especially unsupervised K-means clustering algorithm, there are currently about 8 billion types of people in the world.

Code Lifespan

Surely (no one/everyone) will (recognize how flexible and useful this architecture is/spend a huge amount of effort painstakingly preserving and updating this garbage I wrote in 20 minutes)
Surely (no one/everyone) will (recognize how flexible and useful this architecture is/spend a huge amount of effort painstakingly preserving and updating this garbage I wrote in 20 minutes)

Planet Killer Comet Margarita

I'll take mine on the rocks, no ice.
I'll take mine on the rocks, no ice.

Lane Change Highway

I just think lane markers should follow the local magnetic declination.
I just think lane markers should follow the local magnetic declination.