ABCD

Some tires are marketed as 'all-shape tires,' but if driven in a climate with both inverted catenary falls and triangle falls, they wear out really fast.

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A lot of the highway department's budget goes to adjusting the sign whenever the moon passes directly overhead.

Every weekend I take an ATV out into the desert and spend a day tracing a faint "(C) GOOGLE 2009" watermark across the landscape.

"Want to feel old?" "Yes."

If you drill at the right angle and time things perfectly, your core sample can include a section of a rival team's coring equipment.

Now, if it were the *Canon* wiki, it's possible to imagine someone with a productivity-related reason for consulting it, but no one's job requires them to read that much about Admiral Daala.

'Oh no, the box is drifting out into the harbor!' 'Yeah, I wouldn't worry about losing it.'

We're adding some industrial flypaper to minimize reflection or scattering of customers who might complain.

'They really shouldn't let those small cars drive in traffic. I worry I'm going to kill someone if I hit one! They should have to drive on the sidewalk, safely out of the way.'

Are you the annoying spoon or the sleepy spoon?

At least people who make religious predictions of the apocalypse have an answer to the question 'Why didn't you predict any of the other ones that happened recently?'

The package weighs 7 kg 9 oz.

The statue should be in the likeness of whatever sculptor posted the sculpting tool repair video that was most helpful during the installation of the statue.

Even geology papers about Heart Mountain are like, "Look, we all agree this 'volcanic gas earthquake hovercraft' thing seems like it can't possibly be right, but..."

Carefully maneuvering the balloon down a mineshaft in an effort to break the OTHER altitude record

It comes with a certificate of authenticity, which comes with a certificate of authenticity, which comes with a...

The inflection point was probably in late 1966 or 1967, so when Neil Armstrong flew to space on Gemini 8, plate tectonics was not widely accepted, but when he landed on the Moon three years later it was the mainstream consensus.

Sharks can occasionally travel short distances through air when pursuing prey, but their attenuation coefficient is pretty high.

Many things about Star Wars were not well planned out, but having a 37-year-old in old-age makeup play the Emperor in Return of the Jedi was such an incredible call.

If you don't know where you are on Earth, the angle of satellite dishes can help constrain your latitude. If some of them are pointing straight up, you're probably near the Equator, right under the ring.

If nothing else, that reasoning definitely overturns syllogisms.

When Galileo dropped two weights from the Leaning Tower of Pisa, they put him in the history books. But when I do it, I get 'detained by security' for 'injuring several tourists.'

Despite a reputation for safety, the temperatures and surprisingly high pressures make them even more dangerous than the air kind, but the NTSB refuses to investigate accidents because they insist there is no 'transportation' involved.

I understand it's hard to do more than 300 feet on these 90-second rush jobs, but with a smaller ramp I'm worried the gee forces will be too high for me to do any tricks.

The Nobel Prize in Physiology or Medicine or Home Improvement or DIY

Progress on getting shipwrecked sailors to adopt ICMPv6 has been slow.

"Measure zero times, cut zero times." --carpenter who has achieved enlightenment and realized the wood is fine where it is

I'm trying to share my footage of the full run to prove it's not tool-assisted, but the uploader has problems with video lengths of more than a decade.

Every downhill walk is a waterslide that might have been.

One perk of being born at 0.88c is that your birthday is over two days long.

Some lava around the piercing site is normal, but keep an eye out for spreading earthquakes and eruptive activity that might indicate rifting.

People looking for the gaps in our understanding where the meaning of consciousness or free will might hide often turn to quantum uncertainty or infinite cosmologies, as if we don't have breathtakingly complex emergent phenomena right there in our freezers.

Although now people will realize three-per-em space that all this time I've been using weird medium mathematical space whitespace characters in my hair space hair space hair space speech dot dot dot...

If you want to see true audacity, do an image search for 'Altoona-style pizza.'

Mantle plumes explain Hawaii, Yellowstone, Iceland, the East African Rift, the Adirondack uplift, the Permian extinction, the decline of Rome, the DB Cooper hijacking, and the balrog in Moria. Those little hills of sand in your yard are caused by antle plumes.

Welcome to the Linguistics Department - It has been [2] [DAYS] since someone noticed that the Biology Department sign has a one-day-long singular/plural disagreement after it resets.

The draw-by-repetition rule does a good job of keeping players from sliding a tile back and forth repeatedly, but the tiles definitely introduce some weird en passant and castling edge cases.

A person with two watches is never sure what time it is, especially if I got them one of the watches.

Another group of mathematicians is working to put an upper bound on the number, although everyone keeps begging them to stop.

Be careful fighting gravity. If you win, it's a long way down.

They're up there with coral islands, lightning, and caterpillars turning into butterflies.

Wavefunction collapse is only one interpretation. Under some interpretations, graduate students also have souls.

I tried uploading it to a household appliance porn site I found, but apparently their content is limited to only fans.

Hey! A bunch of the early Cretaceous fossils on each coast seem to have been plagiarized, too!

Someday I hope to find a way to mess up a recipe so badly that it draws the attention of the International Air Transport Association, the International Mathematical Olympiad, or the NSA.

I dropped my phone while trying to search, and I tried to unlock it from up here, so can you also search for screen repair places?

The academic archaeology establishment is suppressing my breakthroughs because of the disruption it would bring to their prepared-core flake-based toolmaking industry.

Hey, so did you ever finish your video series about Cassie and the caterpillar morph? I loved the first three, but never ... no, sorry, I get it, this isn't the place. Sorry! Sorry.

Historians: Contemporaneous documentation of the initial events is often sparse, and in fact people often get testy and uncooperative when we urge better documentation for the historical record.

You say no human would reply to a forum thread about Tom Bombadil by writing and editing hundreds of words of text, complete with formatting, fancy punctuation, and two separate uses of the word 'delve'. Unfortunately for both of us, you are wrong.

Chemistry grad students have been spotted trying to lure campus squirrels into laundry hampers in the hope that it sparks inspiration.

We should have you at the gate in just under two hours--two and a half if we get pulled over.

Achilles was a mighty warrior, but his Achilles' heel was his heel.

During the most recent glacial maximum, it's believed that land bridges extended from the surfaces and connected several of the spheres together.

Detectives say the key to tracking down the source of the kites was a large wall map covered in thumbtacks and string. 'It's the first time that method has ever actually worked,' said a spokesperson.

Geologists claim it's because the earlier Cenozoic used to be called the Tertiary, but that's just a ruse to hide the secret third geologic period, between the Neogene and the Quaternary, that they won't tell us about.

"And in maritime news, the Coast Guard is on the scene today after an apparent collision between two lighthouses."

Washington, DC: Eastern gray squirrel, Amur honeysuckle. Puerto Rico: Crested anole, sea grape. US as a whole: Mallard, eastern poison ivy.

Maybe encouraging the publication of null results isn't enough--maybe we need a journal devoted to publishing results the study authors find personally annoying.

This is almost as bad as the time I signed up for a purely partisan fishing expedition.

'Tin pest' makes more sense to me. Tin just doesn't want to be locked down in a shape like that. I get it. But why would any metal want to grow hair??

That was quicker than usual! The cabin's sprinkler system often makes it really hard to keep anything lit.

We're building on our earlier success getting web developers to pay to change the backslashes in our displayed payment URL to forward slashes.

After determining that his body was full of pipes carrying iron-rich fluid, our current theory is that the dagger-shaped object precipitated within the wound.

Low gravity can cause bone loss, so we're pleased to report that, since we initiated capsule motion, the number of bones in each crew member has been steadily increasing.

Starting a meta-leaderboard for tracking who holds the record for ranking behind the most distinct people on an online leaderboard.

It's important for devices to have internet connectivity so the manufacturer can patch remote exploits.

To combat the threat, many airlines are installing wing-mounted spray bottles.

Once you add the balloons into the model, it makes forecasting easier overall--the forecast is always 'cold and dark, with minimal solar-driven convection.'

'This HAZMAT container contains radioactive material with activity of one becquerel.' 'So, like, a single banana slice?'

We're getting a lot of complaints from commuters who were routed onto a coaster, but the theme park patrons who spent hours stuck on an intercity line are also not happy.

Numbers can be tricky. On the day of my 110th birthday, I'll be one day younger than John Tukey was on his.

Sure, this exoplanet we discovered may seem hostile to life, but our calculations suggest it's actually in the accretion disc's habitable zone.

[desperately] Maybe this is from some country where they use commas as decimal points, and also as digit separators after the decimal, and also use random other characters for decoration???

If you think curiosity without rigor is bad, you should see rigor without curiosity.

With a good battery, the device can easily last for 5 or 10 years, although the walls probably won't.

The installation of the pipes on the inside of the insulation can be challenging, especially when the neighbor could come home at any minute.

Ultimately, history would imperfectly record the story of the Foal of Troy.

Pontoon bridges are just linear open-sided waterbeds.

They say it's probably safe to keep orbiting for a while, but if it stays on or starts flashing we might have to call someone.

Under the two-domain system, anyone who punches you is technically an Archaean pathogen.

Patients at least found it to be an improvement over Millikan's incredibly messy and unpleasant oil drop suspension procedure.

A 5% efficiency gain at the cost of a 99% efficiency loss

169 is a baker's gross.

Applying renormalization to bullies successfully transformed Pete & Pete's Endless Mike into Finite Mike.

Turning in other directions can be accomplished by using a magnetized centerboard and ocean currents, since a current flowing through a magnetic field induces a Laplace force.

Scholars are still debating whether the current period is post-postmodern or neo-contemporary.

P.S. If you have time travel, come to my birthday party Saturday!

Reductio ad absurdum fails when reality is absurd.

Frankly, given their extreme gravitational fields and general instability, even 12-inch globes should probably be banned.

In addition to gravity, burritos interact through the strong, weak, and electromagnetic forces, which is believed to be a major contributor to their popularity.

Unstoppable force-carrying particles can't interact with immovable matter by definition.

Juno mission data suggests that Jupiter actually contains Matryoshka doll-style nested copies of every other planet in the Solar System.

It's important to learn the moves that take you into the vortex, but it's best not to study vortex itself too closely. Even grandmasters who have built up a tolerance lose the ability to play for a few hours after studying it.

Rümeysa Öztürk was grabbed off the street in my town one month ago.

After initial tests created a series of large holes in the wall of the lab, the higher-power Scanning Tunneling Tennis Ball Microscope project was quickly shut down.

'Wow, that must be why you swallow so many of them per year!' 'No, that's spiders. You swallow WAY more ants.'

The biggest expense was installing the mantle ducts to keep the carbonate-silicate cycle operating.

Our anti-de Sitter club is small at the moment, but I've started corresponding with the conformal field theory people.